Thursday, 27 May 2010

Ultimate Twister Destiny Duels #5

I think it's high time for the fifth in the series of Ultimate Twister Destiny Duels; the competition that pits two unlikely personages against each other in a no-holds-barred game of Twister.

Today, brace yourselves for an epic match between...




In this clash of the animated titans, who will emerge the victor?

Both competitors share some traits, for example, the fact that they are both superheroes, and that they wear similar costumes. We have to deal with a few unknown quantities that make it hard to predict how they will fare. For instance, who is the strongest? Who has the most determination? Do either of them have a weakness? The answers will only be revealed as these two stallions lock horns.

What about weapons? Well, the B-man has an arsenal that could be particularly devastating on the Twister mat: an array of banana skins. Should these come into play, our furry friend might have a tough time staying upright. Superted, it seems, is actually weaponless (though a die-hard fan might correct me). He does have an acne-plagued friend, but outside interference would constitute a foul, and immediate forfeit.

So it seems that the Bananameister has the upper hand, but lets not underestimate his potential to be a bit of a goon. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised to see him come a cropper due to some unwarranted showmanship. He strikes me as the arrogant type, and likely to be over-confident. Superted, however, knows his limits.

Either way it'll be a close fought battle. Will Bananaman end up in a fruit salad? Or is the ted going to get stuffed? I'm reserving my judgment for now.

Monday, 24 May 2010

Throw away your lip balm

A while ago I blogged about the 'lip balm conspiracy' that I had uncovered. Basically, once you start to use lip balm, you get into a cycle that renders you balm-dependent.

So, last week I decided to try and break out of the cycle by going cold turkey. That's right. Despite being fairly chapped due to dry weather, I resisted the urge to dress my wounds and persisted au naturale.

Guess what? It took a couple of days, but my lips recovered unaided, and now I am looking at a bright lipsyl-free future. It's early days though, so I'll have to take it easy and see what happens. Maybe get hold of some nivea patches or gum.

Next I will be finding out if we actually need food, or whether it's just a con devised by Tesco.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Rejoicing about taxation

Like I said, the Bible is pretty amazing.

I was struck again today by this incredible (in the original sense of the word) passage from 2 Chronicles 24:

9And proclamation was made throughout Judah and Jerusalem to bring in for the LORD the tax that Moses the servant of God laid on Israel in the wilderness. 10And all the princes and all the people rejoiced and brought their tax and dropped it into the chest until they had finished. 11And whenever the chest was brought to the king’s officers by the Levites, when they saw that there was much money in it, the king’s secretary and the officer of the chief priest would come and empty the chest and take it and return it to its place. Thus they did day after day, and collected money in abundance.

Can you imagine, if George Osborne announced plans for a new tax, that it would be received with rejoicing? Were the people of Judah absolute nutters (all the princes and all the people, not just some)? Why would they celebrate being taxed?

Well, these guys knew exactly where their money was going to be spent - on repairs to the temple. They cared about God's house, they wanted Him to be worshipped and made famous, but they joyfully funded the mission from their own pockets. Impressive.

Monday, 17 May 2010

The Good Book

I hate that phrase, partly to do with the understatement, but mostly because of the kind of people that say it. Like Ned Flanders.

But it's strange how often I have to remind myself that the Bible is a good book, not a rubbish one that just needs to be dealt with like chemisty revision. Too often I fall into the trap of seeing the Bible as 'required reading' and other books are much more exciting (I'm reading Wild at Heart at the moment, will let you know how it goes).

The result is that I sometimes read the Bible with low expectations, and a bad attitude. But then I come across something amazing, that gets me excited all over again. Last week it was Jehoshophat's prayer from 2 Chronicles 19 (context = Jehoshophat, king of Judah is about to be attacked by a vast army of Moabites, Ammonites and Meunites). The bit that struck me was his closing line:

"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." (ESV)

But you should read the whole story, as it's great.

And then you should read the whole Bible, as it's great.

And so should I.

Friday, 14 May 2010

Two items of musical intrigue

If you read this blog, you might have gathered that I like music.

Firstly is this a "refreshing musical breath of fresh air", or just the worst music in the world?:

Also, this could be the most controversial Sunday School song ever.

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Could we live without forks?

The latest Quiteabit poll has shown that most people would prefer to have access to either a knife or a spoon if only one utensil was available.

The poor fork received only one vote, as did the humble chopstick.

In Western society, where we are ever striving to be more efficient, will the fork simply become redundant; laid by the wayside of the culinary highway as people make do with just two implements?

The fork, being a canny species has clearly predicted its own downfall, and sought a compromised yet secure future in the form of the hybrid spork.

Monday, 10 May 2010

Our first house

Last Friday, Lis and I bought a house in Shrewsbury. It's great, we don't need to do much to it. In fact, there are only two small problems which I shall discuss in order of significance...

Firstly, being in lots and lots of debt. I never went to uni, so I don't have a student loan, I've never been in debt. Now I owe RBS an absolute truckload of moolah. Or, to engage the rather comforting technicality, we owe RBS an absolute truckload of moolah. It's still a lot though.

Secondly, although the decor is generally more than acceptable, there is some Chinese (or possibly Japanese?) script adorning the walls of the lounge. "Why is that a problem?" you may well ask. Well, despite the fact that it looks nice if you're into oriental ornamental orthographic graphics, we don't have a clue what it means.

Would an interpreter like to offer their services?

The whole thing reminds me of Daniel 5. My knees are knocking.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Vote for goodness sake

If you're a UK citizen, then you've got a few minutes left to cast your vote, assuming that you're reading this post within moments of its publication. However, the title is not just a last-ditch attempt at coercing the apathetic, but a clever pun surmising the theme of this post. Indeed.

If you voted today, then you probably made your decision based on these two criteria (I wish it was just one, because I would get to use the word 'criterion'):
1) What will be good for the country
2) What will be good for you

It will not have escaped your notice that the Torys are advertising themselves with promises of "change". Of course, it is implied that they will bring change for the better, but change for the worse is entirely possible. Essentially, they think that they will be good for the country, and have asked us all to concur.

It will be good if we can:
Make a swift (a decade or two?) recovery from the recession
Improve healthcare standards
Reform our political system
Build stronger communities

I think Christians should be wholeheartedly involved in restoring 'goodness' to our society. But lets not kid ourselves that our country can actually be 'good' without God's intervention.

Hopefully you'll know this already... but we could be the most powerful, secure and affluent country in the world but our lives will continue to be broken, our society continue to become more depraved unless we ask God to step in.

If you want to live in a 'good' country, you should vote for the party you think will do the best job, but then you should go to the only person with a real solution and ask for His help. We need it pretty badly.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

It's polling day eve

And inside the house
A blogger is stirring
With keyboard and mouse
Whilst Cameron, Brown and Clegg are still on the trail
Losing their sleep, and looking quite pale

My mind is made up. Oh yes.
See you at the station.