Wednesday, 27 May 2009

At last

So I had a hectic weekend, and now I've just finished writing an essay! Which means I actually can relax now, *sigh*. What's even better is that I don't have to write any more essays at all from now on... unless I sign up for another course. Which isn't going to happen this year.

Oh, and there's a new poll so don't forget to vote!

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Soul Purpose

I just had a brilliant bank holiday weekend. For the last three days I've been involved in Soul Purpose; a townwide event which gathers young people to worship together and serve communities in Shrewsbury. Every year (SP09 is the fifth time it's happened) we undertake a number of social action projects - including the quintessential litter-pick!

This year I just about managed to avoid litter-picking.

I did, however, do a lot of branch-carrying and sumo-lifting, among other things, in all of which I was assisted by a fantastic team of young people! Who were all great. Except that they decided that I looked like Mr. Tumnus and decided to call our team Team Tumnus.

I could go on and (I don't doubt) on and (probably) on about the weekend. But instead, here's just a few highlights in no particular order:

1) Coming back to base after a hard afternoon's work to be greeted by hot chocolate with squirty cream and marshmallows.

2) Winning two sumo fights and losing one (after a hard struggle).

3) Talking to a lad from the area whose name I remembered from last year, and discovering that he had remembered mine.

4) Leading worship on the last morning and really enjoying it. It's fantastic to see 100+ young people from a wide range of backgrounds and churches worshipping together.

5) Watching Phil eat the mushy remains of a black banana.

6) Seeing lots of people having lots of fun. And none of them getting injured.

7) Knowing that God will be planning exciting things for the future.

What I did not enjoy so much, however, was being compared to a Narnia character who is half goat. I would have objected profusely, but I reckon about five or six people who haven't ever met have all likened me to Mr. Tumnus in the last two years. So there must be something in it...

Thursday, 21 May 2009

New Catholic Archbishop

Recent question on BBC "Have Your Say" message board:

"What challenges does new Catholic Archbishop face?"

Top rated response:

"The same challenge that any religion faces. People thinking!"

Ian Walker, Wakefield

Lightning-wit Walker strikes again. Oh my.

Maybe next time he'll remember to use a semi-colon.

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

The Pringle Conspiracies

Once you pop, you just can't stop.

Pringles advertise the fact that their product contains an addictive substance. By stating it openly, they expect us to think that it's no big deal. We'll see what the government has to say when they're asked to fund Pringleholics Anonymous groups across the country.

This is the first conspiracy, which I've been aware of for some time. However, I have just discovered the true extent of their evil, via the BBC, of course.

The above article contains these shocking quotes...

"Potatoes make up 42% of the Pringles' ingredients."

"Pringles are more like a cake or a biscuit, it claimed, because they are manufactured from dough."

"Procter & Gamble insisted that their best-selling product was not similar to potato crisps, because of their "mouth melt" taste, "uniform colour" and "regular shape" which "is not found in nature."

I always knew that Pringles were unnatural.


How often does this happen to you...?

You're sitting at your PC/laptop thinking, "ah, what shall I blog about now... gender? Evolution? Eschatology? Evangelism?" when a greasy pigeon suddenly ploughs into your window with a horrendous thud that brings you uncomfortably close to wetting yourself.

The bird hit the glass with such force that it will probably not survive. Or at the least it will have a splitting headache.

Is God sad when a pigeon dies?

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

The Hot Chocolate Conspiracy

Is it a coincidence that conspiracy is an amalgamation of the words "con" and "piracy"? I think not! For it is exactly these things that makers of hot chocolate aim to do.

Of this I am fairly sure.

Here's my reasoning...
It can't be too hard to make something more concentrated. Persil did it with their "small and mighty" product, and Robinson's did it with fruit juice. Most squashes use a concentrate to water ratio of 1:5 or similar, although some (notably elderflower cordial) use a ratio that's more like 1:10. I think this is fairly reasonable.

What I find unreasonable is that it takes FOUR HEAPED teaspoons of powder to make a mug of hot chocolate. HEAPED!

How much to make a cup of coffee? One rounded teaspoon?

It seems clear to me that Cadbury's etc are deliberately creating a very weak form of chocolate powder. This means that your average tub will last for about 4 1/2 mugs before you need to replenish your supplies, at great expense to you and great profit to the manufacturers!

I would suggest a boycott if it wasn't so darned delicious.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

The Lip Balm Conspiracy

So, I haven't posted in a while. And with good reason! I am finding myself more occupied these days. It's the usual balance between work, studying, serving, time out and dueling my nemesis. Also, I've just found out how to use some recording software I got free, which happens to be really useful and a lot of fun. I might actually record some songs.

Anyway, Lip Balm!

Yeah, so I never really needed lip balm until last autumn. Sure, I would slap on some vaseline if things got bad during winter, but it was a very occasional thing. Last autumn though, I was suffering major chapage so I bought my first stick of Lipsyl. Having never needed the stuff before, I thought I'd only need a couple of applications and my lips would be sorted.

But hang on, it's now May, the weather is good, and I still find myself making sure that there's a stick of balm in my manbag before I leave the house in the morning.

I could even go so far as to declare myself lip balm dependent.

Since this has only happened since I've started using said treatment, I suspect a sizeable amount of jiggery-pokery.

Is it possible that Lipsyl, Nivea and (heaven forbid) E45 all contain some kind of dependency-generating ingredient, whereby your lips will only ever recover temporarily before declining into chapsville again, thus securing future custom?

If so, then these cosmetic companies are just as bad as those evil cigarette manufacturers, if not worse!

If not, then I must just have really sensitive lips.